So can you really handle me, God?

It's amazing the emotions that crash over you sometimes. There are many days when I will swing from wanting to run back to Germany to being so thankful that I get to be involved in so many wonderful children's lives. Frequently this will happen all within the same hour. Luckily, a friend pointed me toward 1 Kings 19 and I have been very encouraged by it.

In this passage, the prophet Elijah has just royally kicked his enemies butts (oh, and I think God was part of that, too;) ), but Jezebel threatens his life so he flees in order to save it. He runs into the wilderness and basically tells God, "I'm done. Let me die because nothing I've done has been worthwhile." And what is God's response to this? "Eat up, you've got a long journey ahead of you." Not, "I have not given you a spirit of fear!" or "You said you would follow me! Not collapse in a heap when it gets tough!" Nope, he didn't say those things. So Elijah chows down some divinely prepared bread and water and hikes to Mt. Sinai to await God's presence in a cave.

There's more that happens after this, but what struck me was the way God handled Elijah's giving up. In fact, Elijah didn't just say that he was done with the prophet thing and wanted to enjoy the "Israelite Dream" of a nice thatch house, two donkeys and 7.5 kids. No, he flat out said that he wanted to die. (Maybe my reactions don't look so bad.) But, with all Elijah's emotions, God still heard what his heart had always been saying. He sent him on a journey because, I believe, he knew that Elijah still wanted to follow him. And he gave him food for the journey because even though Elijah didn't ask for it, God knew that being held in his hands was the best thing for him.

It can be pretty easy as a Christian to "just dig deep" when things get hard or throw out some Christianese saying like, "Just lean on Jesus." Both of which are good things. But what does that mean? Sometimes I think that God just wants us to be real with him. To say things like, "God, I just want to give up. This is too hard. None of this matters." Because in the midst of our real emotions, He has the opportunity to give some real comfort and hope. How else will we know his provision and grace if we never admit to being in a place that requires it?