learning how to take a rest

I saw a book at the book store today entitled Wreck this Journal. It's pages were lined with instructions like "burn this page" and "spit, fling or splash your coffee here." It was meant to be an exercise in letting go of unnecessary structure in our lives (I think) and it struck me how much it reflected my life right now. I had a beautiful five-year plan before my dad passed away and then God saw fit to take said plan and toss it out the window. Well...maybe not throw it out the window. Just cut it into a jigsaw puzzle and spread it around the table a bit.

So instead of trying to reassemble it into the picture that it once was, I'm choosing to raise the white flag of surrender and tell God, "You win." I know all the same pieces are there-missions, teaching, masters studies, etc., but I think it's just time for me to stare at the pieces for awhile until He decides to have us start working on the puzzle again. You know what? This is probably the hardest thing I've done in a really long time. But, I am learning a whole new side to God's love for me. It is based solely in who I am and not what I can do.

And so, because He loves me for who I am and not because I can impress everyone with my mad event planning skills, I am taking some time to enjoy that. "Roll in it. Swim in it, until [my] fingers get all pruney."

What does that look like? I'm moving back to the westside. Yes, evergreens, cloudy days and terrible football (oh, wait I can get that in Pullman, too....) here I come! I'm excited to spend more time with my family and reflect on how God and I want to move forward. I'll let you know how it goes.