I made it to Seattle

Early yesterday morning my brother-in-law (Josh) and I packed up the U-haul attached to Roxy (my fabulous little SUV) and headed West. I have made that drive probably a hundred times, but this time I was reminded of the first time I made it almost six years ago...

I can remember driving through the rolling hills of wheat with my parents in the front seat and wondering what on earth I was getting myself into. Why would I ever leave the comforts of the big city to live in a tiny little town that I hadn't heard of until I saw it posted on the road sign?! "Welcome to Pullman" We'll see about that. But above everything else I knew that God had a plan for me and even if I was skeptical, I knew that Pullman was going to be part of it. So I stayed and went about the business of settling in. Find a church, make some friends, etc. What I didn't expect was to find a place that I would very happily call home even after I finished my degree.

And now, as is the nature of things, my life has taken another turn and I find myself driving past a new road sign that reads "Welcome to Seattle." This time instead of seeing "amber waves of grain" I drive past lush patches of median greenery and towering apartment buildings. I'm glad to be in the land of banana slugs and Birkenstocks again.

The interesting and exciting thing about this new adventure is that I have no clear idea of what it is supposed to look like. Sure, I have many IDEAS (what kind of an over-planner control freak would I be without them=) ), but I am holding onto them loosely. Graduate school, Vancouver, Seattle...many ideas. For now I will settle for playing with my niece and nephew and losing myself in a book store.

learning how to take a rest

I saw a book at the book store today entitled Wreck this Journal. It's pages were lined with instructions like "burn this page" and "spit, fling or splash your coffee here." It was meant to be an exercise in letting go of unnecessary structure in our lives (I think) and it struck me how much it reflected my life right now. I had a beautiful five-year plan before my dad passed away and then God saw fit to take said plan and toss it out the window. Well...maybe not throw it out the window. Just cut it into a jigsaw puzzle and spread it around the table a bit.

So instead of trying to reassemble it into the picture that it once was, I'm choosing to raise the white flag of surrender and tell God, "You win." I know all the same pieces are there-missions, teaching, masters studies, etc., but I think it's just time for me to stare at the pieces for awhile until He decides to have us start working on the puzzle again. You know what? This is probably the hardest thing I've done in a really long time. But, I am learning a whole new side to God's love for me. It is based solely in who I am and not what I can do.

And so, because He loves me for who I am and not because I can impress everyone with my mad event planning skills, I am taking some time to enjoy that. "Roll in it. Swim in it, until [my] fingers get all pruney."

What does that look like? I'm moving back to the westside. Yes, evergreens, cloudy days and terrible football (oh, wait I can get that in Pullman, too....) here I come! I'm excited to spend more time with my family and reflect on how God and I want to move forward. I'll let you know how it goes.

So can you really handle me, God?

It's amazing the emotions that crash over you sometimes. There are many days when I will swing from wanting to run back to Germany to being so thankful that I get to be involved in so many wonderful children's lives. Frequently this will happen all within the same hour. Luckily, a friend pointed me toward 1 Kings 19 and I have been very encouraged by it.

In this passage, the prophet Elijah has just royally kicked his enemies butts (oh, and I think God was part of that, too;) ), but Jezebel threatens his life so he flees in order to save it. He runs into the wilderness and basically tells God, "I'm done. Let me die because nothing I've done has been worthwhile." And what is God's response to this? "Eat up, you've got a long journey ahead of you." Not, "I have not given you a spirit of fear!" or "You said you would follow me! Not collapse in a heap when it gets tough!" Nope, he didn't say those things. So Elijah chows down some divinely prepared bread and water and hikes to Mt. Sinai to await God's presence in a cave.

There's more that happens after this, but what struck me was the way God handled Elijah's giving up. In fact, Elijah didn't just say that he was done with the prophet thing and wanted to enjoy the "Israelite Dream" of a nice thatch house, two donkeys and 7.5 kids. No, he flat out said that he wanted to die. (Maybe my reactions don't look so bad.) But, with all Elijah's emotions, God still heard what his heart had always been saying. He sent him on a journey because, I believe, he knew that Elijah still wanted to follow him. And he gave him food for the journey because even though Elijah didn't ask for it, God knew that being held in his hands was the best thing for him.

It can be pretty easy as a Christian to "just dig deep" when things get hard or throw out some Christianese saying like, "Just lean on Jesus." Both of which are good things. But what does that mean? Sometimes I think that God just wants us to be real with him. To say things like, "God, I just want to give up. This is too hard. None of this matters." Because in the midst of our real emotions, He has the opportunity to give some real comfort and hope. How else will we know his provision and grace if we never admit to being in a place that requires it?

this is the true joy in life

Many of you know that my dad died about a month and a half ago. I have been putting off posting anything on my blog because I felt like I should come to some kind of peace or understanding before I shared anything...yeah, that's not going to happen anytime soon. Sure, I have learned a whole lot already, but the first is that mourning is a process not a destination. So here is a cross section of how this is shaping my life as a teacher and pupil of life.

Very shortly after dad died, I found myself with a voracious appetite to continue along the path I was already on in life. I wanted to get my degree and travel the world in a weekend. My father's life spoke of hard work, serving others, and selfless commitment to one's community. All this meant press forward harder than ever. But in the last few days I have had reason to reevaluate some of my paradigm.

A life well spent does not require every gift that we possess to be used at once. God only calls us to use certain gifts at His appointed time. It is my joy to learn and teach, create and inspire. But I want to take each in its right season. Does this mean that my vision for education has changed? No. In fact, I might not even change the way that I work toward it. But what I do know is that God brings change in HIS season and according to HIS splendor. I can no more easily force my students to make right choices than I can force a flower to bloom. I suppose instead of taking of charging locomotive approach to life, I am learning how to take in the scenery. Maybe a gondola ride? Or a pair of skates? The beauty of it all is that the train is waiting for me in the station whenever I am ready to cover some ground. There's no hurry. My life has and always will be characterized by the following quote-no matter how I go about it.

This is the true joy in life.
The being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one.
The being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.
I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community
and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.
I want to be thoroughly used up when I die,
for the harder I work, the more I live.
I rejoice in life for its own sake.
Life is no brief candle to me.
It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment
and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible
before handing it on to future generations.
-George Bernard Shaw

This was the life that my father lived. And the torch that I carry after he laid it down that fateful day in the woods. I only aspire to lead the kind of honorable and worthy life that he did. That's all any of us can do.

Note to Self: Read the Instructions, First

I discovered something cool today. I was sitting in church pondering the whole "how to provide education to multiple cultures" thing, and I finally asked the right question. I asked God how He would do it. I know it seems obvious. He's the Master and Creator of ever person I want to teach and everything I want to teach them. I think He might have an idea of how to put the two together. I feel like the guy who spends a whole Saturday trying to assemble a book shelf then finally decides to read the instructions. =)

So, I ask the question and I hear the voice of God telling me to study how He did it on Earth. Duh, Katrina. Even secular scholars have recognized Jesus as the greatest teacher to ever walk the planet. It wasn't only what He was teaching, but how He was teaching it. There are universal teaching techniques that He used because the Bible (where many of His teachings are recorded) may have been written during a specific time period and through a specific culture, but it is definitely intended to apply to all cultures and people groups across all time. It is His plan for the ages and lieing in that plan are the keys that every heart was created to be unlocked by. Jesus knew everything about us because he was completely God while on Earth. (No, I don't understand how that worked, but I'll just chalk it up to me being too finite to understand.) This means that He was using only the best, most affective strategies when He instructed His disciples and followers. That is universal. Wow!

Now comes the fun part. I want to start looking at Jesus' sermons and life on earth through a critical, pedagogical(that's just a fancy word for "how you teach") eye. I don't know where this study will lead yet, but I am sure looking forward to it. I will share it with you as I discover the way. Blessings!

Bring on the Giants

I made it through my first year of teaching! I was actually sort of surprised to see the year come and go. I had so much fun and learned so much, but I never reached the point of overload that I had heard every first-year teacher reaches. Therefore, I have concluded that this idea is either A) A myth that veteran teachers have concocted as a sick hazing ritual for first-year teachers or B) I was supremely blessed to have a small classroom (7 students) to cut my teeth on. (I'm inclined to think it's "A". ;)) Either way, I'm giving you all some of the credit. I'm so blessed to have a wonderful group of family and friends to support me on this journey in life.

Speaking of which, I wanted to update you on this next phase I'm jumping into. Just three days ago I sent in the last of my application for graduate school at WSU. Yes, I'm going back to school. Well, I suppose being a teacher means that I never really leave... but in the spring I hope to start classes in the Curriculum and Instruction department. (But don't worry, I'll be starting with part-time classes and full-time teaching 5th/6th grade again. I love those kids!)

OH MY! I'M SO EXCITED! Ever since that fateful day, sitting in the Stephenson kitchenette, when God told me to go into education, I have known what I wanted to do with it. For me, education is the tool I can take into the world that will build the disciples of tomorrow. By imparting the heart and vision of Christ-centered education to one teacher at a time, many more lives are changed than if I were to only stay in the classroom. Therefore, I am going back to school to gather more tools so that I have more to give to those who need it.

You wanna know somethin' funny? I've already gathered about ten books for my research and I havn't been accepted into the college yet. Hehe. Here's hoping they like my application.:)

I think my new favorite thing is discussing all the exciting questions my research is bringing up. Like, "Why educate?"and "How do you create an individually based education system that is founded upon their unique cultural needs while standing upon Biblical principles?" I think that right there is my thesis. Well, the beginning anyway. It's funny, this has consumed much of my thinking for the last couple months and all I have to show for it is a lot more questions than when I began. Oh, well. God is showing me so much about His power and sovereignty. I am taking courage from David when he went to meet Goliath because there is quite a bit of potential for me to look like an idiot if God does not show up to do most of the battle. This seems like a pretty big vision that God has given to me. But, I suppose that's where he likes us-willing to take on the giant, but fully recognizing that He is the one that wins the battle. I'm praising Him in advance for all the things He is going to do.

There are lots of exciting opportunities on the horizon that you will hear more about as they get closer. For now, please pray that I can keep my vision on God's ability and not my own inadequacies. None of this should really be about me anyway. God is doing a mighty work in the world today, and what a privilege that He let's me be part of it.

I'd love to hear your thoughts and what kinds of questions this sparks in you. We are all on a journey in this life and what a joy to share about where we are going and where we have been.